ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
