you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Two words: blizzard sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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