What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
