I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
