If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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