You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
