so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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