i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
