Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
