I puked a lego.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
