There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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