After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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