He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
