Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
