Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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