end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's always time for handjobs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
