i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
