I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
