The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
