life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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