capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
