We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
