She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
