i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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