Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
