Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
