I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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