Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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