oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i've created a new STD.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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