I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
