My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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