it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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