thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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