my vag is so smooth its legendary
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
