I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
