I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
