TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
