summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
