Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
