No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
