why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
