so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
