it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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