How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
