I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
