I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Randomize
