the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
