Acid is not a monday night drug
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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