Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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