dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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