he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
