grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
