My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
