you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
